I Grieve
by pprbckwrtr
Summary: The final entry in the Cindy/Denise series.


Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.

A/N: Sorry in advance but I did once mention that I had a story for this song.

Read at your own risk.

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As Jill drove to her destination the scenes from earlier in the day replayed in her mind, God she hated funerals. She had tried to be supportive and comforting but her own guilt had weighed on her all day. Sometimes she could be petty and stubborn and childish, she knew this about herself, she accepted it as had her friends and they loved her anyway. But sometimes it cost her and today's guilt was over the strain that had been in her relationship with Cindy. Things had finally begun to get better, once she decided that Cindy's happiness was all that mattered she put aside her pettiness and began to accept certain truths. If only she had done that sooner.

Her mind went back to the first kiss she almost witnessed between one of her best friends and her boss of all people. Cindy had said it was accidental just her usual over abundance of exuberance, in other words she was happy and wanted to share it and Denise's lips happened to be the first ones she saw. Of course that had been the beginning of the end in Jill's opinion as the two seemingly polar opposite women had begun dating. She had tried to deny it but that became increasingly difficult as both Lindsay and Claire had accepted, hell even encouraged, the relationship.

In the beginning the very idea gave her nightmares, then it just made her head hurt but as the relationship progressed she had a harder time overlooking what was there. She wasn't terribly surprised that Cindy could like Denise, not that there was something to like but because Cindy liked everyone and could always see the good in others. She was amazed how hard her young friend had fallen though, from playing the piano in a bar to score Denise points with the mayor to actually trying to not get arrested, Jill could see that the redhead was in love.

What had freaked her out more was the fact that Denise was just as invested as Cindy. From the day that her boss had lingered in her office because she was actually missing the absent Cindy to the icy jealous stares she shot when Jill stood too close to the younger woman. The final proof had come in Papa Joe's when Denise sat next to Cindy and helped pull off one of the meanest pranks that Jill had ever been the victim of, later she would laugh not because it was funny but because Jill finally saw Denise was human—_who knew_.

But now Jill felt a guilt she may never get over because she got her way, the relationship was over.

Tears streamed down her face as she thought back to the press conference on the courthouse steps just over a week ago. Denise's frustration with their current case had been steadily growing but she was willingly answering all the questions being lobbed at her, even the hard ones from the annoying redhead in front. Jill watched the show with the other two club members, a weird feeling of deja vu had washed over her just before the first shot rang out.

Four shots came from the car as it drove past the front of the courthouse causing everyone to scream and duck and run. Jill stood frozen as Lindsay pulled her phone and her gun and ran after the car, not able to stop it but at least getting the license plate and relaying the information to any available unit.

The attorney found herself reluctantly moving forward to once again witness Claire's hands on a bleeding woman's chest. She watched helplessly as one frantic woman held her lover's hand, stroked her hair and pleaded with her to hang on.

Even as they had all waited at the hospital Jill hadn't been that worried, they had been through this before and they got through that just fine. Just thinking about it again was enough to make herself cry at her own stupid naivety.

As Jill knocked on the apartment door she didn't quite know what she was going to say.

"Thank you for coming," Mrs. Kwon said as she opened the door. She stepped aside to allow Jill to enter, "I wasn't sure who to call. I looked through her cell phone to find someone and then I recognized your name as one Denise had mentioned before."

"That's fine. I don't mind," Jill said as she moved inside.

"I just don't know what to say to her."

Jill shook her head, she didn't quite know either.

"I must admit I was surprised by this relationship but they did seem so happy. I've really noticed a change in my daughter lately."

"Yes, I've noticed a change too. In both of them." Jill smiled at the elder Kwon. "If you would like to go back to bed I could lock up for you."

"Thank you." Mrs. Kwon reached out and put a comforting hand on Jill's arm before turning and going into the bedroom.

After taking a deep breath to steady her nerves Jill stepped into the living room and the sight that greeted her nearly broke her heart all over again. Forehead resting on the piano, hands resting gently on the keys, and a cascade of red hair hanging down to hide the grieving face. Silently she moved over to join her young friend on the piano bench, putting an arm around Cindy's waist as she sat down .

Cindy immediately turned on the bench, wrapping her arms around her friend. "I really did love her," she cried as she buried her head against Jill's chest.

"I know." Jill ran her hand through the red hair and held tightly to the distraught woman. As hard as it had been for her to accept the relationship it was now equally easy to see the love that had been there. "And she loved you." She meant her words as comfort but they only made Cindy cry harder.

After a few moments the crying finally slowed and Jill pulled back to wipe the tears with her thumb. "Would you like me to drive you home?"

"Thanks." Cindy loosened her grip and sat straighter on the bench. "I'm sure I've bothered the Kwons enough." She ran her hand gingerly along the piano. "I just needed to come by one last time, before everything gets packed up."

Jill reached out to push down one of the keys. "It is yours. I'm sure they'd let you keep this."

"No," Cindy answered definitively. "I've been sitting here and I just can't bring myself to play it. I just keep thinking about all the times we sat here together."

The two sat in the quiet until Cindy spoke again. "You know it's weird, after my dad died I took comfort in the music..." she took a deep breath and wiped the remaining tears from her face.

Jill nodded although she decided that she would speak to Denise's parents about taking the piano until Cindy was ready. It was the least she could do. "I'm sorry."

"Thanks."

"No," Jill shook her head. "I mean about everything. I should have been more supportive."

"It's okay," Cindy whispered.

"No it wasn't. I was wrong and I just couldn't..."

Cindy silenced her friend by placing her hand on Jill's thigh. "Don't. Okay?" Cindy pleaded.

Jill blinked, causing the tears that had pooled in her eyes to spill over. "Okay," she agreed. Then she stood from the bench and held out her hand. "Now, let me take you home."

Cindy looked up with a sad smile she took the offered hand and scooted off the bench. Once she was on her feet Jill moved forward and pulled her into a tight embrace. "I really am sorry."

"I know."

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A/N2: Sorry again but you should have known this couple was doomed from the start.

And really who else could I bump off and not be hunted down for it.


End file.
